73rd & Columbus, August 27th 3:00pmish -- The Upper West Side's community which was beseiged by tornado and hurricane (watches) this week, is now showning signs of strain. Reasonable people responded to the terrible weather, which was sometimes humid, other times confusingly cold, by making a run on wine and pizza.
Wine & Roses which opened Thursday, went through enough wine to prompt a heartfelt phone call from French President Jacques Chirac thanking the UpperWestSide for its solidarity and support of French wine farmers and prices. A woman in front of Wine & Roses today was seen pantomiming her exuberant delight in having a new wine bar in the area. Loyal BIN 71 customers were less amused at the new competitor, and staged a stand-in which inadvertantly tied the record for most people in a 300sqft commercial space set in 1998 at a bar in Hong Kong's Lan Kwai Fong.
"I always wondered why they had such a crappy sign. Now I know"
Vinnie's, in an official laser printed statement on their door that confirmed accounts of their alleged lost lease, ended a six month debate over whether the new brutalist exterior on the east sidwalk of 73rd & Amsterdam had in fact been intentional.
Crowds of disappointed,bewildered and hungry patrons milled dangerously close to the street as they muttered slices of the past. One Westsider mentioned, "I can remember when they had just renovated the place, for about a year it changed the taste of their pizza, and that was difficult enough for me to handle. I always wondered why they had such a crappy sign. Now I know." A respected cheese equity analyst at Credit Suisse who was unavailable for comment predicted Vinnie's early close at the beginning of the week. His analysis stated that cheese deliveries in August were too low to service both increased demand from wine bars as well as normal inventories at Patsy's and 'Cesca. The analyst's harbinger of Vinnie's demise was not enough save Vinnie's pizza from going cold.